Big Hunk: A Missed Connection
I’ve never filled out a missed connection on Craigslist because I never ever felt like I connected with someone that I didn’t follow through getting to know and later getting rejected by/rejecting. Once someone wrote a missed connection about me:
Around Midnight on Monday/Tuesday – m4m – 27
I was driving a black car and (both times when I passed you as you were walking down the sidewalk) I noticed that you had turned around and were looking my way…
The ad goes on to describe me and that’s how I know it’s for me. But see, I didn’t like this guy that thinks we connected. Really, I was waiting on the corner and I thought Jim’s girlfriend had passed me without picking me up. Annoyed, I turned around and looked at the car that passed me the first time slowly passing again. Maybe she didn’t know it was me. I smiled and gazed into the window, only it wasn’t even a girl driving, some guy. I had accidentally flirted, but he thought it was love at first drive-by.
So I never wrote him back.
But it’s got me thinking. There was a time in college, when I opened my mailbox and there was a candy bar inside. The brand was “Big Hunk”. On a post-it note stuck to the back said “Are you gay? I just want to know if I have a chance.”
I was in the closet and no one knew I was gay and I was depressed. I imagined my soul mate in the candy aisle, picking the perfect treat to declare his love with. Mr. Goodbar? No. Good & Plenty? Nope, not quite right. Chunky bar? He giggles. No way. And then the clouds shift and the sun lights up the winner. Big Hunk. Yes.
So I ran up to my room, ripped open the Big Hunk, and ate it, crying. Mostly crying, though, because Big Hunk is an endlessly chewy honey flavored nougat that you regret as soon as you bite into it.
So now that I’m a BIG OPENLY GAY HUNK, I’m ready for you, secret admirer. Find me again, and let’s go buy Kit Kat Bars together. Or we’ll get twix bars, only we won’t split them the normal way. I’ll put half of one in my mouth and you bite off the other half. Resulting in a Lady and the Tramp type kiss. Hot. And there’s two so we can do it twice.
Maybe I don’t love men: I just love chocolate.
searching for george, george glass 
i have never once regretted a single bite of big hunk. they were one of my favorites as a young girl because of how long they lasted. like if you had one as your movie treat it wouldn’t be gone before the previews were even over, you know? i mean, i also really enjoy the taste or else what would be the point. it has been a long time since i last had one.
This is the BEST story! Like you said, the choice of candy bar really speaks a lot to how this person felt about you. Imagine this story with a Zero bar.
Ugh! I wish you could’ve found out who it was 😦
Hi,
There are a great story for missed connections and show more details of any missed connections. Nice post!